Welcome
To be the last surviving News Source in New Zealand
Traditional media, like a slightly bent nail at a working bee, has been mercilessly hammered these last twenty years.
First, TradeMe stole the low-hanging classified revenue, the internet skulled display ads, Facebook squatted on social discourse, and finally, Netflix gobbled up the 6pm eyeballs.
Turf Digest reading racegoers even convinced their misguided prodigy to squander their inheritance by teaching them how to use a hand-me-down android.
Thankfully, New Zealand democracy has not suffered.
As the dying carcass of the Fourth Estate slowly decomposes in the back paddock. Out by the hay shed, near where Uncle Punga did a wheelie and browned his grunds that time. Spinner has been gloriously resurrected to carry the soon to be obsolete Dolphin torch of democracy.
Yet, with slow inevitable death comes opportunity.
Special interest sites funded by philanthropic lobby-groups are luckily filling the void, long held by excretable newspaper editors.
Like potpourri in a long drop, we at Spinner aim to distract our readership and seize the opportunity with both scythes as we claw our way up the withering bodies of our fallen media comrades.
Soon we will tower above you all on a pyramid of human sadness to fulfill our destiny as the last remaining news provider in Aotearoa, the land of the long white cloud.
Ka Whakarauika Tātou Tonu
Bow down little slaves.
Bow down before us in servitude. Pray for guidance. Name your children after our sports-writers and sub-editors. But dare not look us in eye. Nor fathom to eat thyne swan. For we shall skewer our enemies, upon Labour Day Sale Bunnings waratahs, interspersed at cricket pitch distances, from Kaitaia to somewhere near Masterton. upon the slightest challenge to our authority.
Sponsors!
Quality journalism, like Act Cabinet Ministers, don’t come cheap
If you are a go-getting right-wing lunatic-fringe thinktank, please get in touch!
We have no judgement! With the right Purchase Order and our successful navigation through your supplier onboarding process, we are more than happy to ChatGBT our way to whatever you care to thrust our way.
With aplomb even.
We will happily shill Google juice and Public Humiliation in exchange for any Bored Ape NFTs, seats at a dullard gala table and
boredom-defining designer handbags you can spare.
To be clear, we will publish anything that blindly upholds the status quo or Status Quo on a quid pro pro basis. So get in touch today!
‘Civil, Women's, Bill, LGBT, Party and Human Rights are no match for when the Price is Rights!'
Support Us!
Still believe climate change is not real?
Then perhaps you are silly enough to support us on our Patreon page.
Even dumber than that?
Click here to have our 100% commission, call center artists, instigate a catfishing scam on you. Remember, like a financially-challenged ACT, National or New Zealand First voter, it only takes five seconds to have your life pulled from under you, so call now!