Trump replaces Hegseth with Colonel Sanders for Defence Secretary

After mounting criticism of consensual-sex NDA requirer, Peter Hegseth, as head of the US military, President-Elect Donald Trump has announced Colonel Sanders as his new pick for the top military job.

Whether aware or unaware that Colonel Sanders is not a genuine military officer—or, in fact, alive—Trump stated, “I am honoured to announce I have nominated Colonel Sanders to serve in my Cabinet as Secretary of Defence.”

“Colonel Sanders has spent his entire life as a warrior for KFC and for the country. He is tough, smart, and a true believer in America First. With Colonel Sanders at the helm, America’s enemies are on notice—our military will be great again, and America will never back down or fail to offer spectacular value chicken buckets and everyday meal-deals to vanquished nations.”